Am I the Asshole for talking my family out of giving my future SIL our traditional wedding gift and risk being uninvited?

My family is Asian while my future SIL is white. I don’t have a problem with interracial relationships as we have several members of our extended family who married other races. In fact, I’m currently in a serious relationship with a woman who is also white.

My GF is wonderful and loves trying new things that my culture has to offer. Some things she loves, other things she likes, and she down right hates some things. The main point is that she tries them whether it’s music, food, or traditions. My future SIL is the complete opposite.

She rarely comes to family dinner because she doesn’t like the smell of our food. She doesn’t join in our celebrations because it’s so different. For example the lunar new year is a huge celebration for us and she calls it a fake new year we made up just to party.

She and my brother are having their wedding soon and surprise, she didn’t want any of our culture in it. It got to the point that my parents almost refused to go. We had to have a huge sit down to smooth things over and I was actually on my brother’s side even though I was also annoyed by SIL. I told my parents it is their wedding and we should stay out of the planning.

The trouble started when my GF and I took my parents out for my mom’s birthday. My GF commented on my mom’s necklace to which my mom answered that she already picked out the style for my GF’s jewelry set when we get married. In our tradition, the family of the groom gifts their new DIL a necklace, earrings, and another piece of jewelry during the morning event on the wedding day. This set usually cost $40-50k in my family tradition.

My GF was honored then asked if my mom picked out one yet for SIL since their wedding was coming out. My mom said no and that she was going to meet with the jewelers soon to see what they have to offer. I spoke up and asked why they’re going through with this one tradition when SIL forbade all of our other traditions. I said I wasn’t chipping in and suggested gifting her a toaster.

Last night and my brother calls me screaming with SIL yelling in the background. Apparently our parents told them we’re not keeping the one tradition that will cost us $40-50k. He called me an AH and told me that unless I (and my parents) follow through on the jewelry gift, we are uninvited.

AITA for following SIL lead in keeping our traditions out of their wedding?


Thank you for reading and commenting. I answered some questions in thread but I guess they got buried so I’ll answer some of them again along with some other common questions.

Even though FSIL is annoying and disrespectful, I don’t get racist vibes from her. Trust me, I would love it if she was because that would give me more things to hold against her but she’s not.

Part of our tradition is that the groom’s immediate family all chip in for the jewelry set. Since all of our other siblings are either in school or just starting their careers, I’m the only one who can financially chip in. I was going to cover half the cost while my parents cover the other half which is why I thought I had a say in what we get them.

My GF called me FSIL gorgeous the first time they met and she has a couple of degrees. That is why my brother is with her. My brother doesn’t stand up for himself much and tbh, the other night when he screamed at me was the first time in our lives that he did. It shocked me.

We didn’t want their wedding to be completely drenched in our tradition in as much as we wanted some of our tradition mixed in. We didn’t care as much for the food as we did about the part where they go from one table to another so that the guests at each table can toast the newly wed.

We understood that our traditional morning and lunch ceremonies in addition to the church and reception could be much so we asked for just a short 1 hour morning ceremony without the traditional pomp such as the groom family bringing a parade of gifts but they refused and insisted on just the church and reception.