Am I the Asshole for telling my Autistic Wife to "Grow Up"?

Context: We have been together for years, and we just recently had a child together, its never been an issue in the past, id love to listen to her info dump about her newest hyper fixation, and wed talk through how things made us feel to better understand each other, we even made journals for each other to write down likes, dislikes, interests, dos and don'ts etc. It has never been an issue for the years weve been together, but after having our child, shes gotten worse, and its becoming harder and harder to take care of both of them, so much so that i am working 10 hour days to support us financially (shes been on leave for 20 months) come home, i have to worry if she has eaten, if our child has eaten (they spend the morning with my family and the late evenings with wife until i get home) cook for both of them, feed, change, clean dress and put our child to sleep, then basically do the same for her.

It wasnt like this before, but my last straw was when they used our rent money to buy expensive Halloween costumes of her latest interest for the three of us, i understand it was a thoughtful gesture, but having to beg for money from my family that month, after showing off our expensive costumes was my breaking point. she spends most mornings sleeping in and most evenings ignoring our child in their crib while flipping through tiktoks 10 ft. I basically told her "I Will NOT raise our Child, AND their Mother" and told them to "Grow up"

I get that some of it isnt her fault, but i cant risk our childs safety on her whims, she regularly buy random things we dont need, leave our child unattended or barely supervised, and i have to constantly worry about her and our child eating while im working to make sure we keep a roof over our heads, im at the end of my rope and feel like im the only adult in the relationship, ive nearly called it quits if not for what that would do to our child. AITA?

Edit: changed some pronouns for clarification